Hot Cold

Ah. My fever finally broke. The time has come for feasting atop the bodies of my enemies. My skin has a strange translucency. Do things ever look different to you after a sickness? I decided last night, during a low moment, that there are 2 separate Vanessas, healthy Vanessa and sick Vanessa. I decided, mentally picturing healthy Vanessa sitting at her desk answering her phone, that I didn't know who she was and therefore we must be 2 different people. In fact, she could die and it wouldn't matter that much to me. No wait, I should die and improve her life a lot. Death didn't seem so important when there were 2 of us. But in the end, I decided she needed me, because otherwise she might forget what's important. The misery of my migraines keeps me grounded. When you're sick, it's very clear what's important, but when you're well, it becomes a little vague and trivial things gain too much power.

I'm going away this weekend and apparently there are 5 million things I could be doing to find the cat that I'm not doing because A) I'm afraid of strangers B) I'm overwhelmed with other things I should be doing and C) Most of my energy right now is going into self-pity. So there. I said it.

New Zealand might be a lot closer than I had realized. I'm not sure what to do about this. Francisco definitely got the job and they want him out there, like, now. I just started a Tai Chi class, am enjoying thinking about all the burningman work ahead, don't have any money, need to reapply for the working holiday visa, have this cat issue, and did I mention the money problem?

I'll be back on Tuesday with saccharine success stories and furry balls of joy I'm sure. Until then, my phone is off. Everyone stay calm.