Not a kid

Turns out, Red Rover? You know, that game you used to play as a kid where you all hold hands and try to prevent the other team from breaking through your line? Not so easy as an adult. Imagine a 220 lb adult male built like a linebacker charging shoulders first towards your wimpy little wrists. Yeah. I screamed a lot. That and the hiking, rope climbing, and wrestling that comprised most of this weekend have made my arms quite sore. My knees look like little girl knees. This group is very...physical. Fun though! There were plenty of naked boobies. I myself lost my pants, but how can you disobey a no-pants edict? If the Party Nazis declare it, then so it must be. I turned the video camera off before the nudity but still have some excellent wrestling footage.

Yeah, Burningman. I don't know Joe! I want New Zealand so badly that I can't even think about Burningman, sounds kinda dull at the moment. Things weren't supposed to be this way and when I made all the Burningman plans originally, I never dreamed that Francisco would be over there so soon. I know it's decision time. My sisters are asking about it, camp dues are starting to be collected, and plane tickets need to be obtained soon but, is it worth it? Plane tickets and finding a way to get my gear there and jet lag and fucktons of work with my camp. Food, costumes, camp dues, transportation. A $2000 investment, kinda crazy. I'm jam packing this summer in with campouts anyway. I've been to burningman, I can go again. If Francisco wanted to go I'd be so there but....well, I'm going to be very poor very soon. I just have to accept this fact. Maybe 1 to 2 months of living decently is more important to me than Burningman. Not to mention that Nikhila, Matt, Cary, Alexxx, and Leila aren't going either.

Wow, I hadn't really weighed the pros and cons before this. I don't think I'm gonna go! Burningman has been one of the most significant life changing experiences of my life for sure, but those changes aren't going to disappear if I don't go. How much more is there left for me to get out of it? It's relaxing and rejuvenating, but so is love and travel and discovering what you enjoy the most. I think it might be time for me to rely less on groups and events and more on myself. I have a feeling that the ways I'm going to grow the most in the coming days will be how I deal with things on my own, what I choose to do when I'm not required to go to work and there isn't a party that night. For YEARS I've been jealous of people who have the passion to go off on their own for hours working on some engineering, construction, or art project. The only one man activity (other than the usual suspects of books, movies, and hiking) I was really able to successfully lose myself in for hours was balancing rocks and sticks or playing in sand, Andy Goldsworthy style. Pottery, drumming, el wiring, yeah, all that was nice, but I was still there. Now I'm discovering film, tai chi, poi, and it's different.

Maybe....MAYBE...the ultimate goal with Burningman is to take it away and no longer rely on Burningman itself to make you feel so wonderful and generous and at peace. Until you can do it on your own, you won't be free.

You never know, hippies!