Cleanse it good.

Let's recap here what I did this weekend to remind myself that I am still able to drink for five days consecutively, and that maybe I shouldn't:

Friday: Drink with housemates. Make quality drunk phone calls to family and friends.
Saturday: Meet up with Nikhila. Drink beer at lunch. Go to Golden Gate Park and deep fry the shit out of everything, including a whole sandwich, twinkies, pizza, bananas, candy, dim sum. Drink a lot. Go back to Nikhila's place and drink, pool side style.
Sunday: Low key drinking. Play DDR. Have fun electricity lecture at Eric's house that involves moderate beer (fuck that liberal beer).
Monday: Maybe I didn't drink during the day? Drink at night at superhero bus party. Seriously cool bus, even more impressive than the costumes. Make a stop at Safeway where everyone on bus buys enough alcohol for 5 people that aren't there. Drinks get mixed in water bottles and passed around. What am I drinking? I don't care because I'm SuperMechanic. SuperMechanic carries a beer bottle opener in her jumpsuit which is pretty super in my opinion.
Tuesday: July 4th. Go to anarchist crazy kidz party in The Mission. Explode watermelons, decide that fireworks the size of my beer aren't quite exciting enough. Maybe ones the size of a forty would be better. Party runs out of beer so a few of us go to the Tenderloin and sing karaoke until the bar closes. One bite into his pizza Ted gets sick. Blarg. Lennon's friend comments that Ted pukes beautifully. Most people are kinda chunky but his is a crystal clear unprocessed gin and tonic geiser. I think he was hitting on you Ted!
Wednesday, 8 am: Feel ok! Good job, body!

Time to take a few days off dude. Some meditation, tai chi, good food, and nature might be a great idea. I need so much water right now that I'm probably sucking the water right out of your body THROUGH THE COMPUTER. Like in Tank Girl (not the computer part). Is it gross to die like that? I'm sorry to kill all my friends, but maybe my REAL friends are the ones who don't internet stalk me and this is the ritualistic culling of the herd.

Short short movie: Camera starts on my face covered in blood, slowly zooms out so you see I am dressed nicely for my bday and there are lots of dead bodies lying all around me (the housemates and their collective). Say, "That's the last time I invite JASON to my party." The tone of the voice really makes it.

The New Zealand crew wants to start a band and a record company. Oh you people and your expendable income. What, you want me to be lead singer? OK. I suppose this will be awesome.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot: Less than 4 hours after they signed for my delivery, the New Zealand Consulate granted me my visa. It's an electronic visa, so I'm done. The visa is in my [computer's] hands. Whisk whisk.