So, figure it out already!

My horoscope this week (the boiled down version):

"Every day you have to figure out how to live all over again." Of course this is always true, Aquarius, but it's even more intensely apt for you right now.

Gee, ya think?

I find myself, at first, very shy at conducting regular ordinary monetary transactions in foreign countries. That was especially true in Japan because I was concerned they might ask me a question I wouldn't understand. But even here, I fear breaking well-understood societal conventions. But today I walked to the top of Mt. Victoria. It was so cold at the top. The wind, god, it felt kinda good though. All my stress and trapped feelings were dramatically blown away for a moment. I walked through the trees about a hundred yards from where at least one bit of Lord of the Rings was filmed and peed on a tree. No one was up there, even though it's the biggest green bit of space in the middle of the city. I guess it was too cold for those weenies. Ha. Then I walked down and went to a cafe and ordered a drink BY MYSELF. Yeah, I know, it's silly. But now I feel ok with the money thing. I get it. There's coins that are valuable enough to buy entire drinks, and they ask for a lot of information when you apply for a supermarket card, and produce is really expensive right now but that's probably because it's winter. Fucking winter.

Well, anyway, I'm terribly afraid of people sometimes but today I got a bit of bravery. A bit is all I need to start the ball rolling.

We're planning a party here for the end of September. I like this little party planning team they've got. It has a very fresh unestablished feel. There are many possibilities, a lot of ways I can help, and the local businesses are apparently extremely accomodating. We met with the owners of the venue today at lunch and they were so excited. They're paying for all the decorations, costumes. Even giving us access to the not 100% legal circular room in the basement for all sorts of mysterious purposes.

Francisco works a lot, which was both expected and possibly a good thing. Gives me more time to create my own existence and all that. We haven't really had any of the big talks about money, the future, us, since I've gotten here, which I suppose I should get around to soon before I get crazy and lonely, and Definitely before I worry too much about money, maids, tv bills, ski trips, $2 grapefruits (the grapefruit I ate today was orange on the inside but it wasn't an orange)... You know, women need to talk about everything. It reassures us, shows us where we stand. Even if the news is horrible, and we know it's gonna be horrible, we still need to talk about it. Knowing and being in pain is always better than not knowing, in my opinion. You know those movies where the heroine dramatically states, "No, don't tell me. I don't wanna know."? I think she's full of shit. Who doesn't want to know? Tell me who you fucked or who killed Charlie Brown or how you cut the woman in half, for fucks sake tell me!

It's all ok. Joe told me last night that he thought I was sad. I'm not, I'm just scared. I'm scared a lot, which is why I do all the things I do. I'm dancing with myself.

Time to be dramatic and wander the almost-familiar-streets, inhaling cold cold cigarette smoke. I miss you all, especially Highland House, Audrey, Nikhila, dinners with Leila, and summertime parties with extra-sexy good huggers. When we move to the new house I'll spin my poi on the beach and think of you all.