30gasms later...

Alright alright, I'll post. It's hard because I don't have internet access at work, and when I finally get home I'm too zonked/don't want to look at a computer screen anymore. There've been plenty of times I've thought of something fascinating or witty to blog about, but couldn't be bothered.

So yeah, Mobil corporation. They are my fine fine employers at the moment. They are evil and enormous, but they also bought me dinner the other night. Fancy dinner at the same place Joe and Kris went for their wedding anniversary. And unlimited alcohol. And 2 games of bowling. There's something to be said for working for a gas giant (heehee). I calculated out that what they spent on me was about $24.83 an hour, about 50% more than I make entering data into excel spreadsheets and filing. You too could have me drunk and your best friend for an evening, for the low price of $25/hr. My services include staggering down the street arm in arm, singing lively tunes, for no extra charge. Amateur evaluations of fermented beverages also available.

The deadline for the death machine writing contest approaches ever closer, and I'm still psyched to enter. Once this job's done I just need to focus for a couple days. If I'm fortunate the weather will be bad for a nice chunk of time.

I know this sounds crazy, but I'm so into this job thing right now. The weekend is awesome, I buy things for myself with impunity, I eat better because I'm not doing the bored eating, sometimes I take a shower when I home from work in the hour window I have before the guys get home and most of these showers are in my top 100, and I get to experience "Morning Tea" and "Afternoon Tea" and "Time to stop working because it's 2:35" and "Let's all make paper airplanes because it's team building time." Seriously, Americans and Japanese businesses are for suckers. The Brits, Europeans, and Kiwis know what's what. Even low-level admin office work doesn't have to be torture.

Francisco and Joe are playing Quake 4. In that world all written language looks like simplified katakana, which is already sorta simplified Japanese symbols. They bought it yesterday because yesterday was official shopping day. I got a vibrator that plugs into an ipod and vibrates in time with the music. It's called OhMiBod and has that minimalist white design that all iStuff has. Cool concept, and definitely opens up the sex toy market to the kind of people who are squeamish about giant purple veiny realistic cock toys, or the ones with 2 or 3 branches that are filled with giant silver beads and have fish heads. I suppose it can be a bit intimidating, although that's never stopped me from buying a vibrator before. Anyway, I appreciate the aesthetic and simplicity of design, but I'm not gonna lie, the ipod part doesn't really do it for me. For one thing, the intensity of the vibrations is controlled by the volume dial on your ipod, which means if you want a powerful punch, your music can't be listened to if you want to preserve your hearing. For another thing, you can't listen to the music really anyway, because the y-splitter that allows both the vibrator and the headphones to be plugged in at the same time must be kinda crappy because the music coming out of your headphones is distorted and static-y. Maybe it's just the one I got, but it seems that's not the only faulty connection, there's another bit inside the vibrator that sometimes gets really loud unless I squeeze the base in a certain way (I tried rewriting that last sentence twice and it keeps coming out sounding dirty so I'm just gonna give up and let you laugh about it.)

So yeah, I had a lot of orgasms yesterday, which made me happy. Also, I bought a shirt for work, somehow Clodagh got me over a tiny bit of my shopping aversion. Hopefully she got a work-worthy outfit together too, for her job-interviewyness. Thanks Clodagh. Shopping alone usually makes me feel fat and overwhelmed. If I want to be stylish and find good bargains oh-my-god there's so much I have to do and buy. Maybe I should lose 10 pounds before I start because aaaahhhhh the salesgirls are all judging me and why didn't I spend half an hour on my hair this morning and how do I get them to leave me alone until I'm ready to purchase something. But a good shopping buddy gets rid of most of that. Now all I need are 3 more shirts, a sensible pair of black shoes, and I'll be all ready to...quit this job and start farming. Hmmm. No luck getting a wwoof job yet, think it's time to step it up and move on from emailing to phone calling.