birthdays

I was watching this show on the documentary channel about former supermodels who are now in their 50s and how they feel about aging. At the end the narrating model mentioned how her 50th birthday had been a big celebration, while for her 51st she went bowling on her own, and then returned home to blow out a few candles on a miniature cake with only her son there. She looked happy. I realized I sometimes make way too big a deal about birthdays and other important celebrations. It's hard to put into words, but she was just so calm, thinking about her life as she blew out those candles. It looked like a good birthday. It was her day. Maybe if you keep a birthday simpler it's easier to keep it yours, it won't get all wrapped up in what everyone else wants.

The ex-models' conversations were similar to what my aunts were discussing last christmas, about how younger women magnify everything, and sink way too much energy into things. I understand what they're saying, but that doesn't give me an automatic key to skip the process. It's funny to be so aware of my idiosyncrasies and illogical ways in real time and not be able to do anything about it.

I've been on an unintentional fast this week, with a serious cold that's been flying around weta for weeks. Today I managed a whopping piece of bread and a small bowl of pumpkin soup. Yesterday was a banana. I'm feeling better today, but still waiting for that appetite to return.

It's Francisco's birthday this Sunday. I'm making him something IMPORTANT :)