A Call to NY

I don't know how to deal with dying. We always think about dealing with death, and I've thought about that a lot throughout my life. I'm getting there. But dying. Dying is worse. I just called Nanna and Pop-pop and hung up with the usual hollow feeling at the end. So many immune system disorders. Oh, for a quick and painless death. That's what Nanna wants. She tells me my father is having all these eczema and esophageal problems. Ugh. Lonely and uncomfortable, with nothing to do but think about their health problems. I don't wanna know. But I do, and I feel bad so I call them. I call some people because I want to, and others because I feel bad. The last thing the world needs is more pity. If I follow my genetics, I will maintain my mind intellectually as I age, but will fall down into a pit of self-pity as my immune system attacks my body in different and creative ways. So exciting to look forward to.

Alright, now for some more positive stuff. Me and Francisco just joined a gym, my first gym membership ever. We're getting our evaluations and goals analyzed tonight. I took a swim class the other day that was so fun, so I might drop the gym membership and join the pool instead (no sweaty hot shirts!), it's half the price and I'd have access to some cardio machines too. I've been walking up hills a lot lately, and am currently performing a science experiment on my body to see if the Shangri-la diet has some merit. My science can't be all that accurate with my changing physical fitness, but I've worked out before regularly and only lost maybe 3 lbs, so if I lose significantly more this time I will deem it a success. Current weight (I haven't been more than 3 lbs off this either way in like 5 years): 159lbs.

Yay for science, and fitness. Joe and Jeanne are inspiring with their new fitness drives (and people like Sarah and Clodagh have been inspiring for a long time). Hopefully we will all continue on these new healthier lifestyles, not worrying too much about minor setbacks. It would be good to be the person that doesn't get out of breath climbing 5 flights of stairs. You know, the one who keeps chatting on the way up while you're trying to disguise how out of breath you are by giving 2 word answers. That is my goal, far above weight loss and toning.