My blood is your blood

There's a lot going on right now. I'm abandoning a lot of things as I go, trying to make my life simpler again. It's a neverending battle isn't it. Because possessions and people and activities attract more of the same, like magnetic filings. I'm wandering around like that guy with the magnetized beard and fro, when what I most desire is to be Mr. Clean.

I realize now how important the initial purpose of this vacation has become (to relax), and how I'd unintentionally made it too complicated. It's easy to get all hyped up when you read tourism literature, but that stuff is not even remotely important.

I've done a lot of girly activities this week, which is really helping my nerves. The moment this week that probably helped the most though was on Monday, when I was feeling the most dire, and Clodagh gave me a nice long hug. She had spent the previous week attending a breathing seminar, one of those things that strips away all pretense and gets to the core of being alive. The way she talks about it changing her life reminds me of Leila's experience in that silent meditation retreat she did last year. Only in Leila's case, it sounded severely spiritual, with transending the material plane and hallucinating and maybe temporary psychosis. Clodagh was exuding calm and zen out of her pores though. It's amazing how we can pick up on that sort of thing when we get attuned to it. I wouldn't have noticed it as much probably if she hadn't been like, feel my calm, absorb the zen. And I was like aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. A nice deep sigh.

In stressful situations, I find there are 2 ways I can go successfully. I can A) go with the stress and be a maniac getting things done (buy everyone xmas presents, micromanage my vacation, stick to a diet, stock my fridge, pay my bills, clean my room, do my laundry) or B) pair my list down to only important things (which is usually nothing) and relax. The third option is the one that usually ends up happening, where I abandon most stuff in frustration but it still floats as a failed list in my mind. Both the stress and the inefficiency combine into sad human being, who finally relaxes when it's too late to do anything. I know compromise is lauded as a golden ideal in modern society, but lately I'm fed up with it. All or none (like Dr Bronner says)! Down with boring partial satisfaction and small disappointments! Only big success and failure allowed, fierce intensity or infantile basic existence. Am I right or what?

I like how Brenda hasn't been attempting to return to "the real world" since giving birth. She's totally psyched about her baby and doesn't even feel like leaving her room. She hasn't walked out her front gate in 2 weeks. That sounds incredible, I hope I find my own babies that fascinating!

Anywhoo, it was good to see everyone last night. The talented Sarah played the piano, Kris brought her beautiful elephant pillow that she made in her latest bout of craftiness (inspired by our trip to the craft fair last weekend), Clodagh lay on the couch in her zen cocoon, I was extremely happy to see Francisco (phew!), if Joe farted at all, then it must not have smelled at all, dinner was delicious pork, rice, salad and Butler's chocolate, and I felt calm. It was good to see Allen. My friends looked good. Joe gave me the best hug upon arrival. Kris spread the good word about this hippy plastic cup device she was wearing instead of tampons (you can reuse it for a decade!). Suddenly the tampon I personally was wearing felt dry and inadequate. Hmmmm. Oh, and we watched Clark and Michael on The Internet. You can watch it too.