I don't see the pieces

I've never thought deeply about why the work so many of my friends do doesn't appeal to me. I would always just be like, "Ugh, so much computering. So unhealthy. So stressful." Their jobs looked aesthetically unattractive to witness externally - poor posture slumped over a greasy desk, typing typing away in a box of 2 colors, forgetting to eat lunch, not moving for hours, talking and writing in a language I didn't understand. But things that are irritating or beautiful from the outside overall artistic sense, can acquire a different aspect when viewed from the inside, in a more piecemeal logical understanding. I'm sure there is beauty in the order of code, once you grasp the logic or game or whatever. Order appeals to me, but so does art and chaos. Maybe this is why I can never settle on a career, because both sides pull me equally. Which is perhaps a gift I should exploit more, to unite disparate world views. It seems most technology marketing these days is trying to do just this, with the sexy sleek machines, intuitive programs and appealing color schemes.

Anyway, what I was trying to get to before I got distracted is that I was suddenly struck today by how different my and Francisco's thinking styles are. It's caused problems in the past, mostly with me growing impatient at his slow logic, or angry that he seems to be picking a fight with me, whereas he is bewildered by my anger at what he sees as the best way to understand something. And I wasn't just struck with how different we are, but about how GRATEFUL I am that we are different enough to be interesting, yet just similar enough to slowly learn about the other's world. So many people are so different (they appear uninteresting or wrong from the outside). A few are the same, but I wouldn't be getting this amazing feeling right now if I were involved with them. Maybe I would be getting a different amazing feeling though? The warmth of knowing I'm not really alone?

The more I read this blog entry, the more I see it needs extensive editing in order to make much sense, but I'm losing my special feeling already and don't feel up to the task. And anyway, it's just a blog.