Philosophy vs reality

I was sitting in my favorite kebab place last night, eating dinner and finishing off Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, when this enormous woman walked in. Some morbidly obese people look alright to me, like it's hard to tell that their weight is killing them. They walk long distances and have good friends and enjoy life. But then there are some morbidly obese people, like this woman, that blatantly look like they're dying. She was profusely sweating (it wasn't hot out) and talked with great effort. I then imagined that I had previously seen her walk into the McDonalds next door (my mind might have been making this part up). She heaved down outside in her enormous blue nightgown thing, and my heart curled up into a little hard ball. I felt so full of despair, I had to put my book down for a minute. It's quite rare for me to feel such immediate pain at seeing a person, because I am a hard person. I very rarely feel pity for people. Sometimes I'm amazed at people's abilities to deal with their lives' shortcomings, but sympathy is not my strong point, not with strangers anyway

Ok, so there I was confronting a depressing aspect of real life, while at the same time reading a book on philosophy. It's a weird feeling to be confronted by reality when you're in that idealistic philosophising mood, you know what I mean? This is why I like reading "deep" books, books questioning existence/reality/life/beyond-life, while sitting in a public place. It makes me question more my idealistic dreams. I fly into the stratosphere when I read philosophy, and then I come back to earth and do boring things, think mean thoughts about strangers, do my laundry, get drunk. It's hard to resolve these two extremes of existence, but small steps towards resolution take place when I read in public. Maybe I'm a little kinder to people. More patient. Less serious. That's my hope anyway

I'm reading a lot of philosophy this week. I finished up with the motorcycles last night, now I'm onto this book that devotes a chapter to  a number of various sages, called: "20th Centrury Mystics and Sages"  There was a chapter on Don Juan Matus (of Carlos Casteneda fame) and you'd better believe I read that one first. I was so into his books in college! I got really caught up in the sorcery that took place, most heavily in the last book, but now that I'm older I'm more interested in the deeper truths he taught. Flashy magic still appeals, but it's not why I read books about life anymore. Sure sure, drugs are great, but I'm looking for something more these days. It was great to revisit his philosophy again. Reading about it made me realize that even if I had forgotten most of the specifics, I still retained something of the essential teachings. Ever since then, We are all One spirituality has appealed more. I like to walk with nothing in my hands because I go faster and more nimbly. I imagine light lines connecting all things. I try not to be afraid of thirst. Etc etc, I'm sure there are many more ways those books shaped my way of being. I don't care if a lot of Casteneda's writing is fiction either. I'll kill you all!