i wish i hadn't started thinking about jobs

I started looking at LinkedIn, at Craigslist, and doing random google industry searches. My body is covered in a cold sweat and I'm on the verge of crying.

What is wrong with me?

Everytime I move I do this. I start from everything and end up finding nothing. I wish I knew what I wanted. I'm so bored with this panic attack career nightmare. It's as old as the British accent.

I'm gonna have to back off now before I start crying in the internet cafe. Alright Vanessa, suck it up. Things will be ok. You have skillz. Even if you start at the bottom bottom somewhere, they'll figure out, as usual, that you are great. The key is to find the bottom of the correct mountain.

Sometimes I'm convinced that the only thing I know how to do decisively is take tests. I'm buried under such awe and jealousy of all you people that know what you're doing and take logical steps to continuously further your careers. Or even if you don't do that, the fact that you have any career at all feels like another planet to me. I wasn't made for this world. The more I read, the further away I drift. If only I could read forever, and sail away on a sea of abstraction.