SF arrival

Here I am. The big earthquake didn't hit while I was gone, so I guess I'll be around for it, saving babies and cats from fires, eating canned tuna, or dying. I can't wait until I'm settled, saving money, and acquiring bedroom furniture. It's tough to be in limbo. I'm in NY for a long time (5 weeks). I dream that it will be productive, that I will narrow my focus onto one manageable career, renew my confidence, get along with my mom, and be patient. Who knows, I might end up sleeping a lot. I'd like to do some yoga, some exploring, some strawberry picking, have some NYC mystery. If I aim high, maybe I'll hit the backboard.

San Francisco is weird. I don't mean Burningman weird. That's normal. I showed up the weekend of the How Weird street festival, and that was fine. There was scary sausages, psy trance, pretty costumes, and good friends. But the INTENSITY of everyone is freaking me out. People are working hard, partying hard, looking for more, talking about big plans and projects. People are HUNGRY here. I keep catching myself feeling bad for them because they don't seem to be able to stop searching. At the same time I'm dazzled by them and feel small and inadequate. New Zealand! I haven't lost it. I'll hold on to my inner kiwi for as long as my life depends on it. I am permanently changed. You will not get to me this time! Stay back! I'm in my garden, learning about herbs and cucumbers.

Phew, safe again. I had a fight with Francisco about money and travel today. He seemed alarmed by my anger and refusal of his plans, but I explained my money issues and hope he eventually understands. We maybe don't understand each other as well as I had hoped. We'll see what happens. I love him and am giving this a strong shot, but being together a solid week with maybe 2 hour breaks every now and then is probably not the best way to start things. Actually, it's amazing we're not tearing each other's heads off. Anyone else would be dead in the gutter by now.

I'm gonna go down to the basement we're staying in at Missy's house (Thanks Missy!) and read book 2 of the graphic novel series, The Preacher. Francisco bought all 9 volumes during his travels, bought me a kawaii bag in Japan, and filled the bag with the comics so that I could read them too. Hey, he's not so bad.