I am tired of this job search.

I am really sad right now.

Yesterday was a hard day. I traveled all over the bay area going to interviews. The first 2 were second interviews. The first one, the one which I had pinned a lot of hope on, was at an East Bay naturopathic practice. I met the head ND for the first time, who didn't tell me the same story the office manager had told me a couple weeks earlier. When she then called the office manager in, there were a lot of weird silent eye glances, and I could tell they had a not-completely-open relationship. Also, I couldn't read the doctor at all and felt we might not work well together. She went on about my horoscope for a while. Oh Boy.

And then on to my second interview, with a crazily intense HR consultant and a reticent doctor. There were 5 people in the room interviewing me, which actually didn't bother me at all, and reminded me that I work best in front of crowds because there's always at least one person rooting for me. The HR intense dude was mildly appalled that I didn't have a car and would often be busing to work in the north bay. Alright, fair enough, I have that concern too. It was just strange to hear such a personal concern coming out of a stranger's mouth.

Now onto the third, and weirdest interview. It took place in an Applied Kineseology (AK) clinic. I had just assumed it was a holistic nutrition/chiropractic clinic. It turns out nutrition + chiropractic often = AK. AK is weird, too weird for me. There is absolutely no scientific basis for it, but it pretends there is (as opposed to things like Reiki that don't pretend to be science, and therefore are usually ok in my book). Also, the doctor is intense, mile-a-minute talker. She's fired 3 people in the last 3 months because no one is up to the task for the position. She offers a starting salary of $12/hr, so of course she isn't finding anyone good enough for the task! Arg. I think it would be kind of fun accompanying her into the therapy rooms taking notes (I love that kind of work), but she would probably eventually get on my nerves. Also, a big part of the job is SALES SALES SALES (She repeated the sales mantra at least 3 times), which, let's be honest, is not my favorite activity. So a big ol NO on that.

And now for the saddest news. I followed up with the naturopathic clinic in the city, my dream job that I've been hoping to hear back from, and it turns out they offered the job to someone else. ..................

I have nothing to say about that. I can only cry. This is the absolute worst. I've been working so hard, interviewing my ass off, maintaining enthusiasm, developing my education, battling pseudoscience criticism, trying to find therapies that appeal to my slower, whole mind-body approach to life while at the same time being grounded in scientific basis, and it's just getting me so down. I feel like I'm fighting an unusual and impossible battle. There are tons of conventional medicine skeptics out there, and tons of swallow-whatever-you-show-me true believers, but where are the people like me in the middle? What am I supposed to do? Is this career even possible for me? God, I'm so devastated. I have negative money and I'm so tired. I had mentioned a girls night at my house for thursday, but now I just want to be alone. Even the temp agency isn't returning my calls. That is low.

This is definitely the lowest point of my job search so far. I can't take much more of this.