Sucking up the good vibes

Thanks for sending the good vibes, they're helping a lot.

Actually, what also helped to give me some larger perspective was an interview I had at Charlotte Maxwell Complementary Clinic last night. CMCC is a volunteer organization (all the practitioners are volunteers!) that offers alternative and natural therapies to low/no income women with cancer, in conjunction with their mainstream treatment. It is one of the most amazing organizations I've ever seen. I had a group interview with 3 other women (the organization is almost entirely run by women; male volunteers can only do behind-the-scenes work) and it was so touching how honest and emotionally involved they all were. We were there to do great things, which I had forgotten about in the course of my interview run. One of the women was so happy to be there, after decades in the corporate world, that she started crying. We had a Jin shin practitioner, an acupuncturist, a translator (about 40% of the patients don't speak English, being poor immigrants and all), and me, an office support staffer. Over the course of my volunteering, I will be able to learn about mixing herbs as well. This is the first place I've gone to where they're actually interested in furthering my education. And also, where a huge emphasis is placed on making the women feel comfortable, and reassuring them that getting cancer was not their fault.

Hallelujah! Yes. The holistic belief that we can be perfect healthy human beings, if only we try hard enough, drives me nuts. Sometimes environment, socioeconomic factors, and genetics get in the way. We can't all be toxin free enlightened machines.

Anyway, it's not a job, I still need a job and things are still dire, but I had reached a moment yesterday where I no longer believed in what I'm doing, and have been given it back tenfold. I'm not sure what to do next, and am starting to think that maybe starting at the bottom is not the answer, which leaves me with 2 options: 1) go to school sooner. 2) find an administrative position in an advocacy or support agency related to alternative medicine, allowing me to use my super admin skills for something more engaging than a receptionist position.


Hmmmmm.

Last night some of us climbed to the top of a hill in a North Bay park and watched the stars. We woke up at 5:30 am, hungover and content. I slept until 11:30, took a long shower, put on my yukata, and am sitting in a warm summer breeze, gathering up the gumption to cancel this interview at the Applied Kinesiology clinic. Then I will meditate. It's time to take care of my mind for a bit.