Plant Love

I remember the first time I came across the flower gardens & observatory in Golden Gate National Park. It was shortly after I moved into my first SF apartment on Haight St. Back then I felt horrible most of the time, mostly due to moving to SF and immediately getting my heart broken, and not knowing what to do with my life, and temping in call centers, and wishing every day was like burningman. I decided to walk over to Golden Gate park and see what that giant green area on the map is all about. Suddenly the sun came out, love was in the air, and flowers surrounded me. I can't decide whether the sun just decided to come out the moment I hit the gardens, or whether being in that place makes you notice the ambient sunlight more, but it snapped me out of my pity and took me to candyland.

The gardens always take me unexpectedly. It's like you can't experience the gardens unless you don't plan for them. I've been feeling low lately, due to a combo of crap diet and the job thing, and the weekend was difficult for me. I spent a lot of time with F's family and attended his cousin's wedding, struggling to socialize the whole time. It was a relief to be home alone for 3 hours yesterday, saved me from lacklusterly punching someone in the face. So, this morning I ate some more crap, and went to work to stare off into space for 4 hours. I didn't feel like eating when lunchtime rolled around, because of the dreaded candycorn tummy ache and general lack of vitality, so I forced myself to go on a walk. Eventually the gardens found me, the sun came out, and puppies had long friendly conversations. I kinda stopped at the top of the steps slack-jawed, because once again I had forgotten about that place, but it hadn't forgotten about me.

Thanks, flowers.

I'm sad that David Foster Wallace killed himself. Infinite Jest was an important book for me in college. Maybe I'm connected to him more strongly than I thought, and that's part of why I've been so down lately.

At least things with F are rockin. When I was younger I always imagined myself excelling career-wise, but being a virgin until 30 or at least generally sucking at relationships. It's funny how things turned out. I'm becoming a really awesome person to date, but am laughably lame at getting a job, or aspiring for a greater career.