I am not a human

Fasting is a peculiar feeling, one of those things I always forget about until I experience it again. A little achy in the joints, like coming down with a fever, wide open eyes, soft skin, unusual saliva taste, strange temperature sensations, a desire to go to bed at 9pm. But the weirdest part about it is suddenly you're no longer part of the human race. I can't describe how weird it is not to take part in social eating, how much of your attention is drawn towards every morsel others are eating. I lose my hunger very quickly, usually in about 24 hours at most, so that's never a problem, it's more about having to constantly reinforce the decision not to eat when around others who are eating. And not really being able to make plans, because every fun day includes a restaurant or a picnic or popcorn at the movies. or whatever. This fast is definitely easier than past fasts though, probably for 2 reasons: 1) I'm having some soup/green smoothie/whole fruits, rather than juice, which isn't causing the sugar ups-and-downs, quite a gentle detox really. 2) I've done this a few times, it's not so hard being around others eating...at least not yet.

I might ramp up the fast over the weekend, to lemon/herbal water and tea only. We'll see how it goes. I don't want to force myself to stick to an extreme set of rules this time, because then if I get sick/bored of what I have to ingest, or I start to feel really weak, I can just switch things up, or have some avocado or something. Hopefully this will all help with the increase in migraine frequency of late. It's been pretty bad. I definitely need to treat myself better for a while. I sometimes fantasize about getting F to join in with me on self-love trips, like a week of sauna, dry brushing, meditating, diet change, etc. But he's so content where he is that I can't justify pushing him too much. Ah well, it's probably better that I take care of myself alone. I'm the only one that can help me, other's participation doesn't change things. I hate when other people aggressively tell me what to do. I should use my knowledge and hermit ways to reinforce internal strength, and stop expending needless energy to change those that don't want to be changed. Power conservation isn't just about environmentalism :)