I live too

I got the job at the berkeley naturopathic clinic! Starting in a week and a half. I could be starting immediately, but didn't feel it was a good thing to break off my temp job on a Saturday. Even if it's temporary, they still deserve the respect of a week's notice.

Ah. I feel really great. It's 8am on a Sunday morning. The house is sleeping while I internet and drink tea. The fast has been amazing. It's like my brain has decided it will no longer put up with my personal bullshit and self-deception. It lets me know clearly what is the right decision. I always thought of myself as a variety of small problems, but when I am able to see that they all stem from one major problem, it's both a relief and a little upsetting.

So yeah, things are working out. I had a good talk with F yesterday, and then we drove out to the SF bathhouse ruins. I sat in a cave and watched the seagulls go mad. We took the scenic way home past Lake Merced and talked about music. Then watched a weird Joe movie, called They Live. About a -6 for me. (Oh haha, look at that, imdb says it was made in 1988. We were all guessing late 70's/early 80's.) It was a good day in the end!

Males can skip this paragraph if necessary for personal well-being. I got my period the fourth day of my fast, with no PMS warning at all. Cramps were the usual significant severity, but lasted about an hour, as opposed to the usual 3 or 4 hours. I'm most impressed with my lack of desire for baked goods and fries. Perhaps I should go on a mini-cleanse the few days before my period every month, bypass the cravings.

The past month or so I haven't been able to fit into many of my pants. Yesterday I was able to wear my favorite jeans again. I feel hopeful that I'll able to continue breaking the carb addiction once the fast is over. I'd like my pants to be my pants again, instead of some other hotter girl's pants. How can you respect yourself when you don't even fit into your own life? Sometimes superficial things like weight are important for feeling like you're living your life instead of someone else's. Know what I mean? Small changes create big ripples, and confidence is really a way of life. I feel like I'm living a completely new life when I walk through the streets with positive self-awareness (as opposed to either non-awareness or negative self-awareness). Every interaction is changed.

Setting up some goals for the week:
1) Take the time to really observe the unique things about a person, and what they are feeling
2) Smile and talk to a few strangers (thanks F!)
3) Spread the gospel....haha, jk my friends
4) Say goodbye and make some connections with the coworkers I'm leaving