Dump!

Phew, what a week. There's a lot of things going on, mostly not good. But, on the up side of things, I've never been more in love with Francisco. I'm tightly holding onto the Francisco express because it gives me peace and comfort in these times. Ooh, also good, The Daily Show coverage of the inauguration festivities. It's a great feeling seeing the lights back on in Jon Stewart's eyes.

So yeah, the outside world is celebrating and hugging each other and....well, actually I'm getting a lot of hugs too. Joe was showing off his immense powers of observation last night by rotating around hugging those of us who needed it. He was like a spinny ride, but instead of spinning seats he had hugs to distribute. He let me know my powers of observation are only mediocre on the human scale. I was all offended at first but then I thought about it for a while and realized that, yes, when I'm actually paying attention to people and sitting back, I make great observations, but that's not my usual way of being. Most of the time I'm wrapped up in the sticky inside of my head. I guess there's nothing wrong with that, but it makes me sad to think about (rather than wondering what thoughts Joe had to come up with this theory, proving him right yet again! arg.)

I've been busy feeling sorry for myself a lot this week. I know it's my way of communicating (or lack thereof) that causes almost all of my problems, but I'm still too terrified to do anything about it. People are scary! I've been trying to push home some of my points with my boss, but she is so wrapped up in her world view that I need a lot more force behind my hints and asides to get anywhere with her. And then I'm like, but what if she fires me? But I won't be an ass hole, and it's constructive criticism, and it will help her be a decent employer. Still though, scary scary. With similar problems on the home front, I'm feeling the mounting tension of constant suppression and too many 6 day work weeks. Of course I was going to crack sooner or later. The past week I've also been eating poorly and suffering the digestive/mental consequences. And I haven't had a period in at least a month and a half, so I know when it comes out it'll be an explosion of misery (this is not unusual for me, so don't go about thinking I'm pregnant now). Yesterday I had my first nosebleed in 1 or 2 years, so think of me as a sad bloody sponge being wrung out in the middle. A floppy, weak-willed sponge, entering her imaginary saturn's return.

I will be turning 28 on the 28th, that's gotta count for something right?

I just looked at the inauguration photo stream. Nice stuff. Nothing like big problems and goin'ons to drive out all the fluff. I wish I had more energy and time. Then I would sit and think all day. Maybe it should be a friend's job to mention something huge when they notice you falling into a petty funk. A swift reboot. "Hey, I might have cancer," is a good one :)