What I've learned this week:

1) Diversify - your friends, your activities, all aspects of your life. Create multiple safe spaces and distracting activities, because if the shit hits the fan in one sphere, you have other communities and activities to fall back on.

2) A good indicator of dying is withdrawal from practical matters with a primary focus on the spiritual realm, though I suppose people also often do this when they're not dying. It's interesting how even when her conscious mind didn't know she was dying, some other part of her mind did, and stopped giving a shit about mundane life tasks. It was an intensely frustrating process to be a part of, but makes a lot of sense now.

I woke up at 5am today with a headache, and couldn't fall back asleep. I got a bad phone call at 7:30, so I'm glad I was up. I rode to work at 8, did some shit, came home and fixed up an old bike for burningman. When I catch glimpses of myself in the mirror, I look like a stranger. I should try to nap before we leave this evening.

This is life. We all have our ways of dealing. X has long phone conversations and cooks food. I write on my blog and run away for the weekend. Y gets shit done. We do what we have to. I don't think I can make the final visit to her. I have too many strange feelings towards her, and she has close friends and family. When I come back on Monday I want this to be over. Which is truly a fucked up way to feel, but this is honesty week, and I'd be a liar if I said otherwise.