Lazy time

Today I enjoyed lying on our heated living room floor, laughed at a small dog that was too cute but didn't realize the affect he had on humans while attempting in vain to accomplish Serious Things, invented a new poi move on the beach, ate a meat pie and peanut butter cups, read a book, and made a map of all the recommended restaurants in Sydney so that wherever we are, good food will be easy to find. I briefly worried about my visa application, considered calling my mom, and thought about money, but didn't do anything about such serious concerns. Maybe I could learn something from the small dog.

The film festival ended on a high note, and my team hosted a screening of 3 of the local entries at the Film Archive. People were screaming and drinking beer and the energy was high high high. I can't explain how I felt at the tape hand in, 14 minutes before time ran out. My heart was all over the place! I went over 45 minutes before the end with all the paperwork and a back up tape, in case the final tape didn't make it in time. The back up tape had no credits. I drank 2 free Stellas while I waited (they were sponsoring the festival), and ran into a few people I know through Weta that were on different teams. Wellington is small and intense. The artists here have large ideas and large heads and there seem to be too many of them for such a small place. The excitement and the beer led to drunk Vanessa, and I took a cab over to Allen and Sarah's afterwards for Soprano Sunday, but it took awhile for the group to get me to shut up about the day's events. Finally Allen solved the mouth problem with some veal.

Less than 2 days to Sydney and seeing Francisco. This morning he kissed me goodbye and said, "See you tomorrow!" It's very funny, as long as you don't think about it too hard.

Accurate Comparison

You know how you are for your first real drug trip, all super excited and gathering together a diverse selection of toys, art, intellectual pursuits, and junk food, only to find once you're high that the food is disgusting and the toys totally unnecessary, and you really had no clue what you would desire?

That's what it's like to participate in the 48 hour film festival for the first time. I brought a huge bag full of stuff I thought we might need, only to be too busy to even bother opening the bag, and not bringing any props/actors/equipment we actually DID need. I was useless today, and spent 85% of the time doing nothing, and the other 15% running around like a nut.

I hear that's what filming is usually like. Next time, though, now that I have an accurate understanding of time management and practical script writing, I'll run my own team and be the creative genius. I'm ok with taking the back seat this time around. PLUS, I get to sleep tonight, while the creative geniuses slave away. Figure I'll stroll in around 11 tomorrow with fresh mangoes or something, and distribute head massages, fill out some paperwork, and come home to snuggle with my man. I am so done with this thing. The good thing is I was so exhausted today I didn't give a crap sitting around not talking with complete strangers. We speak differently, different cadences, different humor, different history, so I think a lot of what I say whistles past their heads, while I can't follow most of what they're talking about. Most of the time that sort of social situation bothers me, but today I didn't give a crap! Yay for pushing this bag of flesh to the edge!

Pressin the button

Been working hard and playing hard. Haven't had much down time the last couple weeks, so I'm just taking it easy today and wearing my tap shoes around the house. Francisco is working on this lovely Saturday, and Kris is doing a raw food demo in the Lower Hutt (which is to Wellington as the more boring parts of the East Bay are to San Francisco), so the only person I can bug with my tappy feet is Joe. What are ya gonna do about it Joe, huh????

Next weekend is 48 Hour Film Festival. I'm all set up as Production Manager for a team I found that has won audience favorite in past years. Check out some of their stuff if you want:

2004 entry
2005 entry
Bonus 1
Bonus 2

Keep in mind they had 48 hours to do everything from writing to editing, and include random lines, characters and props. Well, I think it's pretty damn impressive.

The weekend after that we're going to Sydney with Allen and Sarah and sleeping upstairs in a pub (hmmm, better double check confirmation on that). Then we get a weekend off and then like 12 of us are going up a few hours north and staying in some beautiful villa, like a giant honeymoon. BECAUSE WE MUST ALWAYS DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER. This is most of the same crew that's coming to Kentucky in July. We all have money and travel together, to, I guess, spend it at the same rate? So no one is poorer than the rest? Ha, isn't it funny where I am today as opposed to a year ago? 3 years ago I was taking home friend's leftovers from restaurants, hiding from my landlord, and crying after every job interview, surrounded by Germans with boy problems. Today, well, the job situation is, if anything, even worse, but I have a Francisco and friends to travel with everywhere, nice dinners out, my beach, my tap shoes, and retarded neighbors. Seriously, SO retarded. Francisco tells the story of their 8am hammering better than I ever could, because he's just so overcome with incredulousness over their retardedness. Maybe we can convince him to blog about it.

It feels good to be busy. My job is really really stupid though. One of the especially arrogant doctors smiled at me one day when I was covering reception and said something like, "That's better. You look good there, you belong there." What the fuck dude. I LOOK GOOD SITTING AT THE RECEPTION DESK???? BECAUSE I'M SWEET AND YOUNG AND A WOMAN? I can't get over how backwards things are here sometimes. The sexism is so 20 years ago, what the fuck, I have a degree from MIT and read physics books and have much better relationships with other human beings than you, you horrible deaf old worm. Horrible. So I let them know yesterday that next week is my last week, and now things are better. I'll post the 48 Hour film entry as soon as I can, and be ultra busy, and start yoga again, and get Francisco to shave and exercise with me, and start my visa application, and send some money home and, and, ah. Oh ah oh ah my mouth is so relaxed. Good spot here. Right here on the couch. Thinking about things, and then not thinking about things. Letting the adrenalin ramp up and then die down before panic sets in. What a marvelous mechanism. I like to watch these things happen in my body. I've started only taking very small sips of coffee, to feel what just a touch of caffeine does to my body. It's remarkable how small a quantity of a drug or food you can feel, if you're watching closely enough. Or a twist of the back, squeeze of the heel, yawn, twinkle, tap tap.

Later dudes.

I am 8.

Jelly Belly, Sunkist fruit gems, candy corn.

Jelly Belly, Sunkist fruit gems, candy corn.
Jelly Belly, Sunkist fruit gems, candy corn.
Jelly Belly, Sunkist fruit gems, bubblegum machine in my bedroom wall.
Jelly Belly, Sunkist fruit gems, those raspberry and blackberry-shaped candies.
Jelly Belly, Sunkist fruit gems, candy corn, Starbursts, Tootsie Rolls, Blow Pops, Charms Pops, Everlasting Bulldozers, Mr. Melon candies, Chaco Taco, Hostess Cupcakes, cupcakes with candy corn or red hots in the icing.


Aaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!

Depression Migraine link

"In the general population, depression and anxiety are two- to-threefold more common in individuals with migraine." -- Major Jay C. Erickson, M.D., Ph.D., of the Madigan Army Medical Center.

Well no wonder! My entire life is now explained. I wonder what the direction of causality is, and whether it's less a neurochemical connection and more a connection of lost time due to migraine causing one to get "less" done in their life, making them depressed for not accomplishing as much as their peers.

If I account for all the migraines in my life as lost time, then the amount of productive time I've had = 26.26 years - 1 day lost per month on average, factoring in the first 5 years in which no migraines occurred, followed by a period of one every 2 weeks, currently down to once a month (thanks to Excedrin and modified diet) = 26.26-.86 = I am actually only 25.4 years old, accomplishment-wise, compared to someone who only loses a day due to infectious disease.

Hmmph, that's not really a whole lot different. Guess I can't blame migraines for my life failures. Ah well. If only I had a terminal illness.

I'm sorry, that's a terrible thing to say! I've been thinking about life changing permanent illnesses a lot lately, especially since I've been reading the neurology patient files all day long, and I can't imagine what it's like. I can only guess that the reason I don't have something like multiple sclerosis is because if I did, I'd probably kill myself. Sometimes I'm disgusted by how fragile my mental state is. It's so easy for those around me to change it drastically. I blow up into frantic excitement, and then go down down down. Not quite as bad as actual manic depressive disorder, but it wouldn't take much to push me over there. MS, a family member dying, divorce.

Well, that was fun! Have a good day, and a great Cinco de Mayo! (I'm actually feeling surprisingly stable at the moment, so it's easier to think about these issues right now.)

US Tour Update

We're finalising our vacation for this summer. Here's the plan:

LA July 12-15
Kentucky July 15-22(Vanessa) 15-26/27?(Francisco)
San Francisco July 22/26/27-August 2

Joe and Kris are doing something different, but similar. So complicated.

Yay! I'm thinking I'll bring Tim Tams and tea for the fnf campout, so that everyone can experience the sugar explosion of a Tim Tam Slam. My gift to you, that we will all be dizzy on wet sugar.

The best quality

Chris Onstad mentioned the "banh mi: a Vietnamese baguette sandwich typically with some kind of cured or otherwise strong meat, cilantro, pickled daikon and carrot, thinly sliced hot pepper, and dressing. Banh mi are like girls: your first real experience with one will forever have you driving around low-rent strip malls looking for more."

I am craving this desperately. Either this or an authentic Philly cheesesteak sandwich. I am craving anything in the Fine Quality Meat Sandwich genre. It's hard to get those here.

Things are good and slow. Every time I start getting stressed out, the world slows down and looks good, sexy, soft. It's still, but I can still feel the breeze moving. Life is very slow, it's just easy to forget sometimes. We like to make up things that move at a faster pace, to keep ourselves occupied, but I'm getting more comfortable with ignoring that craving. Less good at ignoring the meat sandwich craving. Back and forth. Sorry you're so crazy and stressed out, scary boss. I'm totally avoiding you now because you're like mercury to me! You need less sensitive people around you, forming a masculine barrier to we fragile ones.

I'm excited to do the 48 hour film festival. I've already gotten offers to join 4 groups, but I'm hoping the first group works out because they have 4 years experience and have won audience favorite all those years. It would be good to work on something that is good. Then I'll feel good about organizing my own team when I participate in a festival back in the US. I think I like making movies as much as nature, which is weird.