that time again

Oof. Jetlag + random food + the stress of too much to do at work after being gone a week = disturbing GI issues. Time for some serious detox. I think I'd like to do a feasting sort of fast, like some seriously fatty smoothies and vegan or raw soups. Calorie restriction is overated. I think I can get the same results if I stick to the good stuff.

Ach, my poor body. NY was good, but I am happy to be home again. I got a little off balance. Even back here, I'm focusing on other people and things too much. I know what's good for me, so why don't I do it?

On the Long Island

I am here with the fam. It is satisfying. People don't really tell me what's going on over the phone, so it's good to see things close up. I'm missing Audrey's birthday party tonight - another birthday to make up! July is some serious birthday action.

Why did I log on here? I thought I had something to say. Zoe was pressuring me to blog even more, maybe because she needs it to get through her dull data entry days. Hi Zoe, look, instant gratification! You're sitting right there but I don't need to talk to you directly, or even indirectly via text/email. I will use something sufficiently remote and vaguely publicly humiliating. HAHAHAHA.

Today I visited Grandma and she gave me so many presents (a few of the knit arm-warmer variety!) I was a little embarrassed. She gave me some clothing money too. Yes, I am totally going to replace these falling-apart bras now. Also, I have ripped open the crotch of at least 2 pairs of pj pants recently (sadly, not for any exciting reason) and am looking forward to getting unbearably cute replacements. I am on LI, so I am going to shop shop shop damnit. And pretend to tan on the beach (secretly wearing my paranoid spf 50 whilst everyone else rolls around in non-functional spf 4 oil). And eat the ethnic foods LI does best. But first, I need to meet up with Dad on the LIRR and visit the other grandparents tomorrow. Maybe get a little evening NYC action in afterwards.

Puddin cut my hair right before I left home, and I am so pleased with it. I went swimming in chlorinated water earlier today, did nothing to it, and it STILL looks good. Somehow she really brought out the curl, and did a good fade with my growing-out bangs. That woman is amazing. I feel lucky to live with her.

Really, I feel lucky about everything. Things are going really well for me right now, and my hearts wants to reach out and squidgel the whole world to death. Vitamin D + bicycle + kisses = happiness. Get a good look, all you lovely lovely people out there.

We are all players

I totally performed at the jam last night! It was the best feeling ever, once I got over being terrified. I think I did ok too. I wish I could see a video of it. I was hesitating on going up, and then Erik was all like, "This is what we came here for!" I couldn't back out then. Thanks dude. I should be taking a nap now, but I can't stop thinking about performing.

Afterwards we went to a beach bonfire for Nick's bday, which was rad until the Ocean Beach cops showed up and took away my sake, threatening a $100 fine and telling us to get lost. Poop. So we all went back to Nick's until the wee hours and hung out on his bed while a couple members of the crew got really into some spanking in the empty room next door. I'm sad to have missed Francisco's 30th bday party, but he was having it at a club and I just couldn't handle that sort of thing last night. Plus I had already overcommitted in several other directions. I'll make it up to him.

Well now.

That was Fascinating. Cecilia's service was this evening, and I had the pleasure of hearing some wonderful stories, put faces to names, got a bit of singing in, and shared a common, "How did I miss this?" feeling with all in the room. It was wonderful wonderful to finally have a service, even if it was lacking in a body, for unfathomable reasons of legality.

Ok, lessons. Write out a list of everyone you want told about your passing -include all manner of contact info. Sign something that says what you want done in case of life support/brain death. Write out what you want done when you die, and tell someone where it is. It doesn't matter if you don't own much, you should still get these things together. Her poor cousin has been laboring under such legal strains, it's like the justice system has hemorrhoids. (Thank you, I just made that up)

I feel a big ol "ah" in my lungs and stomach. It's a good feeling. Very complete and ready for challenges. I really love my life. I love opening up to all these new people, and not being afraid, and loving loving them. I appreciate compliments much more. Before it was like a hunger, "Gimme more! Yeah yeah that's the stuff." Now it's more of a mellow, slow, careful consideration of what the person is actually saying. I realized this while Benjy was throwing out a plethora of beautiful compliments this past weekend (Can that dude give a compliment or What?).

This past weekend was beautiful beautiful all around. Every bit of it. A much smaller than usual group of us went camping (actually, it wasn't really camping, most of us slept in one room in a cabin). Erik cooked delicious food the entire weekend. I did almost nothing. I hung out with some chickens. I drank some beer. And I swam, I swam so far away. I just swam, I swam all night and day, couldn't get away. I did not think about my concerns and worries and hum drum life even once.

Tomorrow night is an improv jam at pan theatre. I am forcing myself to participate. No more chickening around now missy! Find some balls and get the hell on that stage. No regrets.