Fooding

If you're like me, and you like science, and food, and good writing, then you'll like this book too: The Man Who Ate Everything. It's got a little bit of everything in it and the author is totally manic about food.

It came out like a decade ago and I'm sure everyone's read it already, but it's the first thing I've picked up in 6 weeks that I could finish reading without hesitation.

Marketing Director

I would like to create "Angry Cereal" or maybe "Angry Candy." The cover of the box is a closeup of an angry face. The mouth is large and chewing agressively. This product would feature a hard crunch outside, almost like raw granola maybe, or sugar crystallized nuts, and the inside would be chewy, maybe like gummy candy or dried fruit. Thus stimulating the mouth with a hard crunch crunch and then satisfying bloodlust with a soft, eating-your-enemies-mouthfeel center.

I have been very angry this week, at everything from cats to people to dirt (not to forget my stupid job!). My eyes are wide and my pupils are small. WTF?

Angry Juice already exists though. It's called spicy V-8 and it happens to be very delicious, even when you're not angry. I can just rip it off and put a new angrier cover on it to match the rest of my angry products.

Ooh, angry shoes! Red sneakers with treads ON THE INSIDE, so that they're slightly uncomfortable and exfoliating.

Angry underwear. Stained red so even if you have a female accident it doesn't matter because they already look wounded and gross. The logo is the angry mouth only. Right over your coochy.

Angry razors (already used disposable razors).

Angry KUNG POW KICK! Little red led lights that attach to the undersides of your arms and legs, so that when you're kicking and punching fast, red light streaks behind your limbs in a cool way.

Angry breathing! Lacerate your lungs the easy way. Not recommended for amateurs, unless they're REALLY angry.

Angry purse. Growls and zips closed on hand when anyone touches it who doesn't know the proper strap tightening sequence, zip pattern, thumb print, retinal scan, whatever. Bright red with teeth.

Fever

Uh oh, Francisco's going away party is tonight and he's very sick! He groaned all night last night and had a very hot little butt. What are we to do. I'm hoping he'll be better by tonight. Otherwise, I suggested we decorate up a wheelchair, I wear a nurse costume, and we push him around all night so that people can come by and kiss his hand. He's determined to drug himself up and then get wasted and smoke 20 cigarettes, but I think my plan's better.

I can't get any work done because I just keep thinking about parties and campouts. So exciting!

What is this bullshit of working a full day today anyway? Last year we were out at 2 for memorial weekend. Damn.

Sorry to all those I may or may not have offended with my blog. Mostly when I say bad stuff about people I'm trying to get out how bad I am. Like when I say my friends want more than I can give, I think that's my shortcoming, not yours. If I ever independently call you and hang out with you one on one that really means something. I can't do that sort of thing with too many people so I pick and choose very carefully.

Party party party party! Let's get gorgeous!

The Important Things

Alright alright alright, we gotta focus here people, focus! Remember the important things.


money money money money money




The family was good! I got to hear my sister and her boyfriend have a real conversation, like the kind couples usually have when they're alone (the serious kind, not the sexy kind. that would be gross). I realized I've never been around another couple alone before and heard them talk like that. It was nice.

I found out my mom's read this blog and it freaked her out. Let's give a shout out to my mom! All the lady's in the house say hi mom! I think she doesn't understand my sense of humor at all. Me and my sisters compared notes on that blank look she gets when we start getting really clever. Maybe that's why she freaks out about me so much, because she thinks I'm being serious. Kate's boyfriend missed me making jokes once or twice as well. I forget sometimes to be cautious with people I don't know. Well, they gotta toughen up sometime! One two Vanessa PUNCH! It feels good when you know it's coming, trust me.

Psych!

I googled the number that the talent scout call came from and found this page as the first google hit. It was totally Ari! Clever guy, holding his nose to change his voice. He wanted to know if a certain someone was back in town because for some reason this guy hooks up with everyone around me. I am the only overgrown tuft of grass in this lady field he has mowed. I look around and a giant circle of nude ladies has fallen down around me.

Soooo naked!

I gave him the necessary info to shield his penis from the harsh elements of NOT-VAGINA for another day because I am really concerned about that sort of thing. About ready to start my own Walk-for-a-Cure to be honest.

phone call to fame

Heh heh. Last night I got a phone call from "Ashley Gordon, talent agent for Gilbert Gottfried." I have been identified as a rising star in the world of comedy apparently and they'd like me to come in for an audition, check out the chemistry and stuff.

ONE STEP AWAY FROM FAME BITCHES! YOU GOT NOTHING ON ME!

Thanks whoever set that up. It was 3 am here on the east coast which is why I didn't pick up but you totally made my morning.

First weekend post ever. That is what NY does to me.

sekrit

I have a secret. A special secret just for today. I can't tell you blog because too many people look at you, you popular girl you, but you already know it because of our special connection. See?! Isn't that a great secret!? Francisco knows too but he'll probably forget by the time he reads this because he hates reading blogs. He reads this thing every once in a while as some sort of boyfriend-girlfriend pact obligation but I don't think he finds it the most comfortable experience. Heh.

My secret is even improving this dry office work.

Yesterday was super organizer lady day. I organized my house affairs, settling financial and uncomfortable social issues left and right! I prodded my burningman camp into action, cleaned half my house, threw away old receipts, and comforted the cat in necessary ways (she's lonely and needy and I try to prevent her from clawing up or peeing on my bed in female desperation, via cat massaaaaage). I didn't do my laundry though. I can always do it in NY I suppose.

I don't know why, after all this time of me living my life in competent, perfect-credit-rating ways, mom worries about me so. She thinks I'm eating my own shit or something. MY AFFAIRS ARE IN ORDER MOM. SQUARE BOXES WITHIN SQUARE BOXES. I'M VERY COMPETENT AT THIS GAME BECAUSE I FIGURED OUT EARLY ON THAT IT'S A GAME. ALSO I'M CLEVER. She's hinting at lending me money for NZ so I can go sooner. No no no no. I can't let anyone take over this thing for me. How will I sidestep this issue for 4 days of pure family time? I could always ask about her plane every time we start veering towards the future or finances, that usually works.

I think I read so many books in the fall and the winter/early spring that I no longer know how to read. I spend all my alone time stretching my body or looking out my window at the gangstas. Franciso gave me a book to read, House of Leaves, and I can't even look at the cover. I feel a little guilty. I know it will be an excellent book but I just don't want any more of that right now. Weird, huh?

Tai Chi......is.......awesome!

I felt a minor migraine starting last night before class but I went anyway because it wasn't that bad yet. At first I was kicking myself for going, but 20 minutes into it I realized the headache was totally gone. That never happens! 20 minutes after that, I felt my concentration intensifying. It was like, wahhhhhh. (I wish you could see the silly face I'm making now, it's totally hardcore.)
I've never done any "new age" healthcare before. Never taken a yoga class (unless Christopher on the playa counts, but that was before he started his bikhram teacher training), had my reiki (sp?) aligned (?), gone to acupuncture, had herbal-fake medicine-dietary therapy shtuff before, colon cleansing, etc, but I might start buying into a lot more alternative ventures after this class last night. I know it's only been 4 classes, but I can really feel what my teacher's talking about. The energy flow, the concentration. I'm gonna dive in and buy into the whole thing. We shall see we shall see won't we. I've gotta start looking at the big picture with my health. It's always been, take it as it comes, figure out how to solve a problem once it's already started happening, but I'm thinking...right now.....obliteration of future problems. No more headaches! Let's take a stand against them now, while we don't have a headache! Why wait until you're miserable to complain and make a weak-ass attempt at fixing it?

Ok, health stuff aside, I think it's time to eat a second donut. I'm creating that baby toy (the one with all the primary colored plastic donuts that stack up) in my stomach. So that I can go oh oh oh oh (wouldn't it be weird if we shat in donut shapes? Like if all the unused dietary matter traveled along the outside of our intestines rather than the inside? There would be a whole new type of disgusting tv character (like mr. hanky (look, stacked parentheses!)) that gets mistakenly dunked in coffee by the groggy tv dad in the morning on his way to work and then he doesn't even notice he's eating a turd.).

Talkin

I made some new friends this week. Now that everyone's leaving I feel extra space in my life for new people. It's been a while since I last felt this way. Lately I always feel too crowded and everyone's like, blah blah blah listen to my problems what, are we not friends anymore, why aren't you returning my calls? My friends are all lovely people but it seems like they want more than I can give. I need space and freedom and silence. For at least 2 nights and 1 day a week. But this week I don't feel that way. Projects are wrapping up, maybe things are crazy now but I can see that very soon it will be simple. Is it terrible for me to say that I'll appreciate some time alone? I'll miss him terrible of course, and I always really enjoy his crazy fun plans, but it'll feel good to return to me again.

Also, I've shifted back to thinking about people 1 at a time rather than all at once. It's so much nicer to do this! Their individual problems are fascinating when taken alone, but when thinking about everyone all at once it's just more BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I met (well I've met her before but we haven't ever talked) this girl on Tuesday with terrible headache problems. It was such a relief to meet someone else with the same concerns as me. She feels like her headaches really disrupt her relationships with other people, and she becomes known as the headache girl once she starts hanging out with people frequently. Now, after years of not having strong frienships, she's settled in with the False Profit group. She likes them a lot, and she's not known as the headache girl, but she worries she will be. Her headaches are probably more disruptive than mine, but I totally understand where she's coming from. I get so angry at my headaches sometimes because I only have so much life, and they take some of my precious free time away from me. They make me stronger, but I often dream about poking myself right above my right eyeball with a bent coat hanger to kill them. I'm getting better at using a mental rolling pin to spread the pain out over my whole body, rather than having it bunched up in one lobe of the brain, but it's really hard to be zen sometimes.

I (re)met other great new people on Tuesday. It's almost a shame I'm leaving so soon! I was starting to feel apprehensive about all these new friends the Ardents and Christopher have in New Zealand. I started imagining them all having dinner with Francisco in New Zealand, and this Clodagh chick becoming the replacement me (well, not becoming Francisco's girlfriend, but being the enthusiastic friend that everyone enjoys at the parties). THAT WAS VERY RETARDED. It's not like these new people in MY life are replacing the Ardents, nothing could replace them, so why do I think this "Allen" or that "Clodagh" could replace me?

I need to join you guys right now, before it's too late. Before I'm doomed, doooooomed! I'll send some videos with Francisco so you guys can remember how cool I am. I made some brocco-celery porn for max's film festival that you'll never forget.

Edit Me

I had a really good weekend! I was very productive. I went to a farewell bbq, edited my short film very satisfactorily, and logged serious the cheat time. He looked happy in his sun puddle but maintained a pretty solid 10 foot space barrier. Editing is super super fun. I'm glad Francisco put up with my incessent questions. He's very good at maintaining his cool. I could definitely see myself picking this up as a serious hobby. I don't think I could do it as a job though because A) computers make me sick when I'm forced to use them for long solid stretches and B) most of the fun comes from splicing together all this crazy creative stuff (and it seems this is not in a job job description). But anyway, I'm glad it turns out I like all parts of the film making process. Maybe it's time to take a class?

Thinking about my Tai Chi class tonight is getting me excited. A good sign. At the party on Saturday I talked to this girl who hated her tai chi class because she said she learned 25 poses that were all similar but just a tiny bit different from each other and there was no meaning behind it. My teacher is putting lots of meaning into everything we do, so even though he's weird and goofy I know he knows his shit. I hope this makes me healthy and strong and calm. That's goal #1 right now. Before I can get to the other stuff.

2 Steps Forward

I keep living my life like it's already happened. You know what I mean? Someone wrote it out a while back and I'm just following through. What a weird way to live. I get a glimpse of how free things would be if I didn't think this way every once in a while. It feels great for a bit until the fear hits. If I look at the future as totally free then I see 1)liberation 2)liberation 3)liberation 4)wall-of-doors-closing-because-you-were-goofing-off-too-much-and-now-whaddya-gonna-do?

I didn't see the cat yesterday at stakeout #2. <-- Depressing. I keep expecting him to just walk up to me and roll over but he's being very difficult. I think it's time to get a trap.

Woah, Miranda, my old Japan buddy, just wrote to me and told me she's moving to Australia to work on boats, and she's excited that I'm going to New Zealand. Awesome! Thanks Miranda, you've renewed my enthusiasm for a project I was beginning to think of as a burden. She's the kind of person that shows up just in time and only when absolutely necessary.

I feel a little self-agrandizing now that I know people actually read this thing. That's why I'm unable to stick to any one topic for more than a couple sentences. It's a little embarrassing actually. I'm not this important! Maybe this will have to become a little less personal. I gotta figure out what I'm doing with this thing. I can see it going a few directions: A) Art projects creative process log B) Personal lists of no interest to anyone else C) Funny links D) Personalized tourist pamphlet logging my travels. This is the first time I've regularly published on the interweb, and I think this blogger box is getting a little small. Time for my own web page?

Back to Normal

I feel normal again. The weekend was pretty crazy. I confirmed yet again that everyone's family is crazy and annoying in their own unique way. Francisco's family has serious communication issues. My family is pretty good at communicating but we're all a little emotionally, uh, sensitive. No, it was fun. I got some LA sunshine. And hotels are always a luxurious matter. While I was gone I received about 15 phone calls pertaining to the cat, most of them annoying pranks. As soon as I've captured the cheat safely the posters are all coming down! Sheesh, don't people have anything better to do. Only one lady called with a serious lead. We now know where the cheat is but have not yet captured him. I feel confident in Francisco and my abilities to finish this today though. We've got cat carriers, food, and attractively-smelling bodies (to the cats). I might bring the sneak out in the other cat carrier to attract him with her meows, but that'll be a last resort because I've finally reached an understanding with her and don't want to destroy that. I think she's become my favorite cat this week because her loneliness has caused her to need me big time. My roomates told me that while I was gone, she didn't leave my bed except for bodily function breaks.

Ok, here's where I weigh the pros and cons of coming to New Zealand early:

Pros of staying in San Francisco until September:
*Just started really awesome tai chi class that lasts until mid-July.
*It's the summer! Campouts, hiking, 14 hour days
*Am really involved in Burningman prep
*Sister wants to come out in August and prepare for Burningman with me
*Save $900 by not taking extra flight back for Burningman
*Be able to save some money for NZ adventures

Pros of going soon after Francisco:
*Get to be with Francisco
*Get to see Ardents so that we don't hate each other long-distance. I'm so dumb sometimes!
*Get away from this boring job sooner

Right now I'm leaning towards staying here until after burningman just because summer's really the best time of year here. Road trips and campouts were how I got to know so many people in the bay area last year.

I'm really relieved things are back to normal. I don't know why my mind gets so agitated when too many things are happening, but I now know the cure: Tai Chi (and meditation in general).