Temping

I've had a lot of experience temping. I know how to do just about all low level data entry, customer service, receptionist, and filing-related work. It's soul crushing work, especially with all my change-the-world goals. I am going to make mind-blowing films and invent new singing and dancing comedy acts. I will change what comedy means. I will combine my scientific and creative backgrounds in unusual ways. My scientific research prowess will uncover strange, otherwordly facts about our existence that most people won't be willing to confront for the next century. I will talk to people, and help them lead better and healthier lives. I will go back to school and discuss philosophy, physics, the universe, nutrition. But FIRST, I will temp. Again. For $16/hr ($11.13/hr US). I will find some crummy black dress shoes and itchy button-down dress shirts that show my bra through the button holes unless I wear a t-shirt underneath them. I will try to forget about my dreams and the fact that so many other women have to go through the same secretarial crud, but only for the next 6 weeks. Then I'll be done, and have money for burningman. Then I can travel. And then maybe temp again. Or maybe magic will happen. HIRE ME! I know you're out there.

Toilet Wreck

Blarg. Yesterday was hell of puke-y for me. Had the worst migraine I've had in ages, 10 delicious pukes. Similar frequency of passage from the other end. So, maybe not the best birthday. But then I checked my email and phone messages and had all these nice people wishing me good birthday times. I'm kind of emotional, some would say "high," on the comedown from a severe migraine, so things like eHallmark Cards from my Grandma brought tears to my eyes. Migraines always put things into perspective for me. Sometimes I think the reason the women in my family get migraines is because we get all worked up and stressed out about not-so-important stuff, and start being annoyed by everything or just perpetually dissatisfied, and then a migraine whooses in and puts everything in perspective. Most of the time, we aren't experiencing severe pain. We're in good health, have good friends, and are ridiculously wealthy by most standards. We just forget sometimes.

Had a good weekend at ecofest with the swimming and lounging around playing cards. Went to an interesting talk about earth housing but couldn't manage to drag my lazy ass to any others. Would rather learn about permaculture in a hands-on setting anyway. I had these dreams that the festival would be a big networking opportunity for me, but that was incredibly optimistic. I forgot for a moment how difficult it is for me to talk to strangers, let alone network. I'd see people doing interesting things and start running in the opposite direction. Aggg. I'm so dissappointed in my shortcomings sometimes. People keep telling me to network network and things will work out, but I'm having a very hard time with it. I always mean well but the follow-thru gets me. I'm terrified of contacting people for references, which holds me back from applying to jobs. I wonder how different my life would be now if I had taken that post-doc up on her offer of coming to Harvard with her after graduation and being her research assistant. That would have meant staying in Boston, which probably wouldn't have been good for my mental health. But what if job satisfaction had managed to overcome that? So many what-ifs.

I will be extremely satisfied with my life once I get over this networking hurdle. In a way, I should appreciate it because most people don't get to experience the satisfaction of overcoming it. Their lives may look more successful from the outside, but maybe they have less satisfaction in the small stuff.

Ha! The above paragraph must be the sort of thing cripples and mentally-challenged people tell themselves to feel better. Nice try, cripples! Why don't you hobble over there and get me some juice. I know I know, it's hard to do without any extremities, but just think of the SATISFACTION when you succeed!

Cruelty is the only way out of this self-pity rant, it turns out.

Not the Island Again

Do you have a particular recurring fantasy that's been looping through your mind since you were a kid? I was just sitting on the couch, having a grand old time talking to Paris Hilton and David Foster Wallace on a deserted island, and shook myself out of it with the realization that I'd thought along similar lines maybe 1000's of times before. I've always had desert or deserted island fantasies. There are always highly desirable people there (not necessarily people I get along with, sometimes just people it would be fun to outwit, anyone desirable like a crush, celebrity, a real asshole, a genius brain. Any connection more compelling than an attractive face. There has to be history or at least fame involved.) For a while the fantasy centered around every boy who could possibly ever have had a crush on me appearing in a line in front of me. When I worked at Herrero it once was my entire office and I logicked us out of the weirdtastic situation, impressing all, and outsmarting the CEO (which would probably happen in reality too :) ). And the situation is never normal. We all just suddenly appear there. Maybe we were all sleeping in our homes beforehand, or just doing normal everyday errands. Some people are always freaking out. I never am. I'm always calm, rational, sane. I either save the day or at least figure out the situation so that we all can calm down and stop obsessing about how weird it all is. I will never get tired of this story.

I think I daydream a lot! People are always asking me what I DO all day, not working, and I'm definitely caught up in my head for a good chunk of it. I'm ready for some more action-packed existence now though. Went on a roadtrip with Clodagh yesterday, accompanying her on a job interview adventure, and we had some good planning-the-future talks. Sometimes it seems overwhelming to try and revamp my life again, especially when it's all so cozy and easy right now, but I've got some zest at the moment so I'm gonna run with that and remake my existence, get involved in more community stuff, network, find a job I'll really like. I registered with a temp agency this week and promptly broke down crying after the 3 hours of testing and interviewing were over, mostly because it terrifies me to think of doing boring boring office work again. Maybe it satisfies some people, I dunno, but certainly not me. Repetitive strain, fluorescent light, old coffee, chit-chat, excel spreadsheets, pit stains in my buttondown shirts, pantyhose, chipper morning smiles, a job that fills in the holes but doesn't make a difference, ack ack ack!

Now THAT'S the stuff that'll make you get old quick. Mark my words children: Office Admin Gigantic Butts. Follow your hearts and look for passion in all you do, or that butt will be your fate.

Marketing

" 'Here.' the man said, presenting the tiny furry creature to Sma. She took it reluctantly. It was warm, had four limbs arranged conventionally, smelled attractive and wasn't any sort of animal she'd ever seen before; it had large ears on a large head, and as she held it, it opened its huge eyes and looked at her. 'That's the ship,' the man who'd handed her the animal said. "

From the book I'm reading right now, Use of Weapons, by Iain Banks. The spaceship she's traveling in has a cute animal as it's interactive representation, for the fun and comfort of its passengers. It's all about packaging, isn't it.

That's also what I learned by reading this article today, about the chocolatier Noka and their ridiculous markup of the chocolate they use in their products. It's ok though, because their chocolates come in fancy collectible steel boxes, right? So chique, so now, so, wait, it's run by former accountants? How retro! The author of the article is one of those obsessed gourmands that make such enjoyable reading, another one of those reads I recommend if you like science and food. And scandal. Delicious chocolatey scandal.

Today I applied to about 20 farm jobs, mostly in the fruit picking business. I tried to pick farms located on the south half of the north island, so that F can visit freely every weekend. A couple vineyard jobs too, wouldn't that be awesome. These things pay minimum wage, but that is better than my current wage-naught. It's gonna be fucking hard work too, maybe I'll get some arm muscles. Sexy! All of the jobs start between February 1 and 15, so I still have some time to party people. Like, say, for my birthday coming up next week? Hmmmmm?

Summer Street Anarchy

Walking around outside today after lunch. There was a group of children hiding in a tree. Another boy dug a hole for himself on the hillside and was reading a book in it. Another group of children, none older than ~8, was filling buckets with a garden hose. Each child had a bucket and when cars drove by, they all tossed the buckets towards the car, soaking it. The driver I saw didn't seem to mind, he just kept going - I couldn't stop laughing.

It's summer anarchy! Wellington is a nice relaxed place that doesn't seem to mind small amounts of chaos. A lot of free events hosted by the city are starting up. We hung out in the botanical gardens last night listening to some live hip-hop/jazz/funk inspired kiwi jamming while eating a lot of food. I made pasta salad, Frankie made cucumber sandwiches, Kris made bbq ribs, lucas and co brought lots of cheeses, grilled veggies, dips, and ice cream cones. Someone else brought a pizza. Oh yeah and lots of booze. Seeing the city make such a show of it at a free garden concert got me really excited about all the other stuff happening now through March. I think events like the Cuba street fair are gonna be pure madness.

I think for my birthday weekend I want to go to ecofest. Be nice to get in some camping finally, plus would be good to talk to some people involved in the permaculture movement here, maybe hook up some volunteer work or, even better, a jobby job. At first my birthday plans involved picnic, karaoke, and dancing, but this is way better, as long as a few friends come. Networking, swimming, nature, food I'm not afraid of eating, there is no downside to this plan.

Everyone seems relaxed now. Summer is sneaky. We all have pink shoulders and bare feet. My pair of feet won't let me return to yoga. Every time I put some shoes on they fling them off and wriggle between the couch cushions. Ah well, I tried. Maybe tomorrow, Yoga.

Wellington live

Returned to Wellington 2 days ago. Ah, so good to be back. Feeling relaxed and wriggly. Friends are good and comfortable, new ones returning every other day. Went swimming for real in the ocean today because it is 70 deg and swell out. Last time when me and Kris ventured out, we kinda stood around waist deep in the water, but this time I figured I could handle it. The sun on my skin is almost instantly elevating my mood, feels so good I can't bare (heh) to put sunscreen on. Ladies walking round the beach gathering shells and glass like I do almost compulsively, kiddies kayaking, The Cheat laying out on the deck with me, is this my life? Happy happy happy! My own bathroom with shower poof and dr. bronners, my own bed with happy blue sheets, my friends, my supermarket, my assclub. If a masseuse tried to touch me their hands would go through my back it's so relaxed. Vacation was great, exciting, but nothing beats home. This is my home! And now people are discussing leaving NZ and it makes me sad because this place really is paradise. San Francisco is exciting, eventful, but this place is like a comfortable nook. My roomates are contemplating moving if a better place comes up. It would be neat to be downtown, but the beach is finally getting nice so it would also be a great loss.

The MIT alumni travel association is having their annual trip in NZ. They'll be in Wellington on February 8th and have invited me and Francisco to dinner. I like free food. In the Bay area I probably wouldn't go, but anything familiar is comforting in so far flung a place.

Time to start thinking about the future again. Adventure and money are priorities right now. I just gotta stay focused and stop worrying so much, take it a week at a time, and everything will work out. Everyone and their brother are going back to school next year, inspires me to go back the year after. Fall 2008. If not grad school, then some other kind of schooling. Kicking ass aquisition.

Rudy Rucker sent Joe a free copy of his new book, Mathematicians in Love, as thank you for meeting up with him during his NZ travels. I'm reading it right now. I wish I understood math at all, but my perception of the world is very biological based and it's hard for me to think that way. Once, once, I saw the fractal pattern of the universe, infinite regressions on an I-don't-even-know-how-many-dimensions grid, but I was inhaling nos and forcing certain areas of my brain to have blood pumped through faster due to oxygen deprivation, so perhaps, well, who knows what the validity of the experience was.

Anywho, who cares, happy day cat day pat you on the back day, find a dollar pick it up, give it to who needs a buck.

San Francisco Update

Been in this good old town for 6 days now. Will has awesomely allowed us to basically take over his entire basement. We've been madly trying to see everyone but after Monday I burned out a bit. Partied down at the massive False Profit dancy dancy, followed by afterparty with the partykidz, and didn't go to bed until 11am that New Year's "night." Am I too old for this yet? My synapses seem to think so. Actually I'm feeling back to normal today (Wednesday), ready to luxuriate with the ladies at the Kabuki baths for girl's night. But it does concern me that most of my partykidz interactions aren't sober. Are there any meaningful connections between us? I guess it's hard to lump an entire group of people together this way, because there will always be stand-out individuals. The other night we hung out with Audrey, Matt, and Cary and it was just the nicest group. We all get along and have interesting things to say. I miss them all so much!

I think my summary of this vacation so far is: One of the most well-balanced and artfully arranged vacations ever. I've seen just about every person I know in this country and enjoyed the full spectrum of awesome American dining. Even Rikky's in town for some work stuff this week! I'm so glad Francisco made this all possible. Not sure how I can ever thank him for all he's done. I don't know how he does it, but he's a social mastermind. He NEVER burns out on people. Or when he does, he seems perplexed by the feeling, and has to talk about it at length because of how unusual it is. He doesn't seem to realize that what he's telling me is normal and pretty much a daily experience for me. Actually, I've impressed myself on this trip by not burning out until New Year's, and then bouncing back so quickly.

Heheh, I saw Alex Graveley (sp?) last night at NewFriday. The man who doesn't know what he wants while everyone wants him. It was good to see him after so long, if only to hammer in the point that I'm doing the right things, following the real dreams. It made me love Francisco even more. He talked about wanting to get back together with Audrey and I was screaming, "Nooooooo!" on the inside. He'll probably forget again by tomorrow though.

New York and Seattle are distant dreams, and New Zealand is a memory of a memory. Time resets at every new destination, with the current standard wiping out presence of the old. The present is never more vivid than when traveling. It's hard to mistake yesterday or 5 hours ago with the present when time keeps resetting. Oh time! I'm glad we have you. Life would be so disorganized otherwise.