Take me higher

The spark continues.

Damn this apple is good.

Also really good:
Dr. McNinja and Wondermark and Chris Yates

The Great Outdoor Fight on Achewood has finally ended, and even though I was totally sick of it, it wrapped up better than anticipated. Comics are in top form today. It's like golden genius lips kissed us all this week.

Tonight I'm doing the fancy dinner/ symphony thing. Oh so out of the ordinary for me. I hope I burp really loud during one of those lulls in the music where people like me think it's time to start applauding but really it's just a 10 second rest and if you had any class at all you'd know that!

No really, it's gonna be good. I'd love to go out as an adult more often. If only it weren't so damn expensive. It seems like I spend 3/4 of my non-essential income on nice food already. I just....love food. Sushi, French Food, A-Really-Good-Burrito (TM), Food-In-Bed, Spicy Thai Food, Raw Food, Vietnamese Noodle Bowls, Food Truck Food On A Sunny Day, Italian Seafood, That One Really Fancy Meal You Bring Out On A Camping Trip / Burningman To Surprise All Your Friends...

Fuck. I mean, that apple was ok so why did I have to go and start thinking about all the things it wasn't? That's one step away from relationship disaster.

Getting better all the time

Wow, I'm really feeling the need to write this week.

Things to do with money, when I have it, or have somehow figured out how to not need it:

• *Visit every philosopher/dreamer/writer who has sparked my hunger for life in the past few years. Ex: Show up on Charle's Eisensteins doorstep with some homemade pot roast and ask to come visit for a few hours. Play with his kids. Cook with his wife. Borrow a book.


• *Release myself from student debt in order to escape from modern society for a few years and learn a useful craft/survival skill/new way of life.


• *Buy supplies necessary for turning some ugly piece of urban landscape into a lush and colorful urban jungle. YOU know, for the kids.


• *Travel travel travel. Roughing-it style.


• *Take some higher math classes. Use the time I would've spent working/draining my energy to learn when my mind is the most awake (late morning/early afternoon)


• *Go on a really long hike.


• *Learn how to sky-dive for real!


• *Get that amazing arm tattoo I've been talking about for 6 months.


• *Spend time after burningman just cleaning up the desert for a few weeks. Oh wait, I'm gonna do this one anyway! Fuck it, I'll have all the time in the world come September.

It's all about quality of time really, since we humans get such a stingy budget of it (unless, like Joe, you believe you're going to live for 800 years or forever). I don't care much about owning stuff. Once I'm done with this office job I'm throwing 75% of my clothes away. I always feel this way after reading or seeing something beautiful, and that's how I know it's important and truthful to who I am. Something I always come back to, again and again, after my other thoughts and day-to-day frantic lifestyle have churned me up and drained me out.

Cadbury, my love

4 Cadbury Cream Eggs in 2 days! Sometimes life works out this way.

Aren't they disgusting though? I love them for it. At last I've found an equal.

Efficiency people!

The people I work with are so retarded! C'mon, efficiency people! They do things the same as they have always been done because they are not thinking at all! What is up with that. Then I change something slightly and get 3 emails all like, Whoa, why didn't we ever do that before. Maybe it is because you are robotic retards!!!!!

I don't understand how people can live by turning their brains off for 8 hours a day.

Unless they are always like this.

In which case: AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!

Ah, I feel much better now. I'm definitely too good for this though. If I don't start something fucking challenging soon my brain is gonna explode.

BOOM! Or maybe more like: fizzzzzzz. Yeah, that's what it's like. I'm not dramatic enough for a true explosion.

Here's something that will challenge me: My digital camcorder is coming on Monday! I have a notebook exploding with dumb ideas. I can't wait to film them! I know I'm supposed to be saving for NZ but this is just as important as that. This is one of the most important purchases I've ever made. I wake up in the middle of the night with ideas and then I worry about forgetting them so I wake Francisco up and tell him too. And then, just to be sure, I ask him for a pen. I don't think he's appreciating all this enough:) I can't remember the last time I felt so creative.

Clear headed

I feel alert. I feel clear. Here's what I have to say:

One of the worst things people can ever do to each other is act jaded when listening to someone else talk about a life-changing realization they just had. So what if you had that same thought 2 years ago? Wasn't it awesome when you first thought of it? So why would you pull that kind of shit on this person? Maybe you need to hear it again anyway. Or they need you to understand. Whatever your role in the conversation/relationship is, I'm pretty sure it's not condescending bull sheeeit.

I just caught myself doing this so this blog entry is me reminding myself of what I really stand for, and how much I have left to learn.

I was talking to Leila yesterday about this astrological belief that happens when you are ~28-30 years old. I've heard it called the Lunar Return but she called it something else. I don't believe in the astrological explanations for it occuring, but I do believe it occurs. I've heard very negative things about it from certain people - how upsetting and unsettling it is, how you feel panicky like your life is going no where and it's time to grow up - but Leila had a very positive experience with the whole thing that made me excited to experience it in a couple of years. I want my whole life to be filled with exciting episodes of change. If I continued my whole life being the same person I am today it would feel boring and pointless. Every once in a while I get excited about all the unknown discoveries in my future and I guess today is one of those days. I hope everyone does this! Let's make a national holiday, called, ah, I can't think of anything not-cheesy, so how about "Disconnect/Reconnect," where all y'all bitches gotta turn off your phones and think about how much change is in the past and the future and how awesome it all is.

Cat blog

Alright Ardents, here we go! Your cat blog awaits you.

Garfield Randomizer

I created my own Garfield Randomizer here on blogspot. That was very clever what they did, leaving the code up on the page while technically removing the randomizer from the web. :) Do you think the Jim Davis peeps realize how many more copies of the randomizer they caused into creation by pulling that copyright violation schtick? Wait, maybe they did it on purpose, for the publicity. Hmmm.

Things I am excited about right now:

Getting started on our "low-key" burningman theme camp. I have way too many ideas to be reasonable about this.

Making a sickly sweet photo diary blog of the cats, with the built-in excuse that it's for their owners who will miss them. Uh, yeah, OF COURSE that's why I'm doing it.

Getting another short and punky haircut.

Restarting my nutrition thing. I feel awesome today. I ate well yesterday. Connection?

Winning Twister last night at Beats and Boardgames! I won a pitcher of beer for my amazing flexibility.

A special kind of feeling

Do you ever have that feeling that you're all alone and that it's ok? I was falling asleep 2 nights ago and for some reason had the overwhelmingly clear thought that no one else actually matters when I choose what I want to do. I mean, people say this kind of thing all the time, but do they actually mean it and feel it and understand what it will be like when they die alone? I think I'm gonna make one of my life goals be that I'm ok being truly alone. Not just alone in a room, but really separate, a free entity, a complete unit that doesn't need others to choose things for me. I think death will be a lot easier to handle if I am able to face it alone. I mean, you HAVE to do it alone anyway, it's not like anyone can help you with it, so you might as well be comfortable with that fact before it happens.

But what if being comfortable with that fact basically is death? What if I find this "enlightenment" and then sort of fade away and die? Do you think people who just die for no apparent medical reason other than "old age" do this? Or do you think they are dying of causes that modern science is unable to measure at this point in time? Maybe both, and either answer is correct depending on how you measure things / what importance you assign various factors.

Also, just before I fell asleep I realized I've been sort of doing a reverse teenage-I-will-live-forever assumption. That is to say, I've been feeling like I might die very soon. But Jesus, what if I end up living for another 50, 100 years, or more? Holy crap that is a fuck ton of time. I hope I have lots of energy for most of it if that's the case.

Anyway, I'm just in one of those aware-of-the-earth-spinning sort of moods today. It's been a good day at work. They're handing out bonuses too! I wonder how big mine will be. If it's more than a couple hundred dollars I'm going to buy a digital camcorder this weekend. Because I never make ridiculous purchases and how fun will it be to make my own short movies and fuck around with some crappy editing software? My friend max is having a short movie themed birthday. Everyone is invited to make an under-4-minute movie/music video/animation (more info here. It's going to be so silly!

So much fun.

Media gun

Yesterday I got hit with the Oscar media gun. A group of us had a chocolate covered strawberries and cheese affair in the soon-to-be-non-existent Fort Awesome. My friends who live there had one last get-together and now it turns out that they are getting kicked out of their house tomorrow. Tomorrow! These means I get the cats sooner than expected, which means Audrey has to leave my place because she has terrible allergies. Damn. guilt guilt guilt. I know there's other places she can stay but it's really too bad. Too bad for the Ardents! Too bad for Audrey! Not really all that bad for me. I'm glad I went and got one last look at their place. Joe had shaved off his goatee and was looking very nubile (I'm pretty sure this isn't the word I'm looking for. Does someone know what is?). Kris was wearing that glittery fake face stuff and a tiara. Even Francisco had a tie on. Oh my gosh, what's a girl to do, I was so underdressed! Running around trying to cook something and then making several transportation errors on the way there, compounded with waaayyyy too much rain to be fashionable made me start dissintegrating as soon as Francisco picked me up from the BART station. Fortunately he saved the day (again) and then Kris gave me free access to all of her makeup so the day was not shitty! yay! Reintegration was not only possible, but likely.

I think I'm letting my fake job get to me way too much lately. I thought I was gonna lose my mind Friday when the receptionist called in sick and everyone decided I was the office go-to girl. the time to quit is approaching faster than I would have hoped. shit. Should I keep working until August so that I have money for New Zealand? Or should I try to find something I like now and then only work for them for a few months? How can I make money without committing to something long-term? I really need something that pays at least $600 per week.

What am I doing? why are certain areas of my life improving so much while others are increasing in suckage? why why why why wuh wuh wuh wuh wuwuwuwuwuwuwuwu bowng chikka bow-wow -- nananana.

Time to make a list:

Set up pad for cats

Study for Italian midterm

Make all sorts of doctor appts because it's getting ridiculous.

Apply for CA driver's license, because that is ALSO ridiculous.

Redeem yoga and massage gift certificates soon, because we all need some fun stuff on our lists.

Get sheet music to a really hard song, just to prove that I still got it.

See Transamerica and Crash, because the Oscars told me to (cue in spiral hypnotized eyes)

Save money to facilitate quitting job sooner (cue in dollar sign scrooge mcduck eyes)

Waht are we dnoig hree aaynwy? Wath's it all aoubt? Saty tenud.